Refoccussing

   I asked my brother this morning over the phone "Have you ever stood in the shower so long you actually peed twice?"

   "Oooh exactly how bored are you staying at home everyday?" he replied.

   Unfortunately, he was completely right -I am bored. When I had first received severance from my job of 18 years , I looked at as a restart on my life. In my mind, I would eventually find another full-time job but for now I would only have my part-time one, and this would allow me the time to focus on far more important projects . First I finished the book of "Nancy" comic strips I was reading completely too soon, but how could you not? I then managed to see every show on Hulu , and Netflix that I was ever either completely interested in watching , or not at all interested in watching ,in their entirety . Finally I removed all the photographs, maps and souvenirs from the huge bag it had been stored in to finally make that Disney-themed scrapbook I decided to make years ago , right before gathering all that shit right back up into the same bag and tucking it away for the next time I become so depressed that I turn to scrap-booking.

   Putting the scissors down and stepping away from them I picked up my cell phone instead. I can remember a time where I was repulsed by the idea that I could own a device that allowed people to actually get a hold of me , but of course this was years before the inventions of texting and social media where people would only want to know your whereabouts so they could actually avoid those personal interactions with you in a much more civilized way.  These days I treat my smart phone like a little boy who just discovered he has a penis , and am constantly pulling it out to play with it. My habit is to check Facebook, lock my phone , put it away, then immediately pull it back out as soon as it hits the bottom lining of my pocket. I am always reminded what I have done as soon as I see the most current post in my news feed is the same one I saw a second earlier but it still is likely to be the one I see again a second from now. By chance I check Instagram instead of Facebook , I can be thrown into a surreal loop where images seem both familiar and strange.'Wait - why can't I make this picture bigger?!? " I gasp , while staring at the Instagram picture that I had previously seen on FB . "I swear I was able to see a bra laying on the floor in the background of their selfie a minute ago , but now I can't ?!? What the hell is happening??!!?" .

   I actually saw a friend's nipple exposed in her profile picture , and like a good friend I was sure to tell her immediately after I saved the picture to my computer. I am not sure how details like this get overlooked. I was a photographer long before digital came along, so I always knew to really choose my shots carefully - not so much because of the expense of using film but because I knew in the end I would be presenting the models with a contact sheet that documented the shoot in detail , and I wanted it to read like a beautiful story. Nowadays , I  try less to create a moment then to simply just capture one , and this means taking several shots at a time and editing later. This is why I will have fifty-seven pictures of my cat sleeping and I manage to find each one individually adorable despite the fact that they are completely identical to one another.

   Maybe I am confused about all this and I should just enjoy this moment in time before a new job changes everything. Maybe, this is the time to look at the details closer then before. Maybe I should just enjoy watching my cat sleep and my friend's nipple hang out. But right now I could use another shower -  just a quick one this time.