The Blind Photographer

        A popular anecdote I used to use as a photography instructor was "Before I became a professional photographer my photographs were blurry , scratched and over- exposed but now that I am trained I know how to make them blurry, scratched and over-exposed!"

         I especially love a blurry picture.For years I have taken high speed photos in low lighting to capture that little moment when my model lingers in between poses. When he stares off away from me . When she takes a deep breath .

    
          The logic of taking a picture out of focus on purpose is completely lost on my mother. 

          "She's cute. Too bad it is so blurry" she says after seeing a picture I have been in love with all day.
  
          "It's not out of focus - It's breathing!" I challenge back, as if I could change her mind.
          
          In recent years my eyes began to weaken and I would open them to see the world the way I had been presenting it for all these years, a beautiful blur . For a long time I ignored the handicap, partially out of vanity but mostly so that I could see my vision ( as ironic as it was) realized.  After giving it a little thought , and by that I mean I could hardly think with the constant pounding in my head caused by my eyestrain, I got my eyes checked . I got the glasses but hesitated in wearing them outside of driving or reading , fearing how they altered my appearance. Making myself a turkey sandwich one day , I patted down the bread to feel my palm greased with mayonnaise and the thought that glasses would make me look stupid suddenly seemed a bit petty .
        
          One day, upon completion of a self portrait, I put my glasses back on to inspect the image.  I took inventory of several new white hairs that had merged with my brunette curls and realized that maybe all they were doing was adding a bit of contrast . I noticed the little lines under my eyes caused from time and the little lines on my nose caused from where my glasses had been sitting and I think how these little scratches might actually add depth to the composition . Still, It can be quite off putting seeing life through this different set of lenses.  Everything is suddenly in focus , if not abundantly clear and oddly enough I want time to lag a bit longer  .